Keepin It Real

Perception is 9/10ths of reality

I am sure you have heard that statement before, and it is particularly true when it comes to the internet and people on the internet.

Why?  Because perception is often not necessarily truth.  I read peoples blogs, or I look at their facebook pictures and I get this idea in my head of what they must be like or what their life or family is like, but I have to remind myself that it isn’t always accurate (actually when I start feeling inferior I remind myself that a few pictures don't show the whole picture).  

 I try very hard to represent myself in an accurate way, in fact I tend to write too much in an effort to fully explain myself, to leave nothing out, to be as honest as I can and so that I am not misunderstood. I share my thoughts, feelings, opinions etc. because I like to help to educate, empower, enlighten, support and maybe sometimes because I have things on my chest that we want to vent about or things I just  feel compelled to share.  Many times the things about which I ‘wax eloquent’ are for myself as much as for anyone else reading (especially when it comes to parenting).  I often don’t share or talk about negative, because usually, that doesn’t accomplish the goal.  I mean why would I want to write a whole post venting about how my bathroom hasn’t been cleaned in a month! (and geez, who wants to read it?)  Or why would I feel compelled to write about how, the last 6mo, we've been buying the store brand mac-n-cheese instead of the Annies we used to buy.  Is that something I really want to share with the world or think that the world wants to know?  

But despite the fact that these ‘imperfections’ about our life (or my perceived imperfections, or areas that I may ideally like to improve on) may not make for great reading, they are in fact, part of life!!

I may write a blog post where I share some really cool craft we made, and info on how we made it.  What I don’t share is how many times I had clean glue off the baby, how many times I lost my patience with the toddler or that the mess made by the craft, stayed on the kitchen table for 3 days!!  The point isn’t to share the negative (oh woe is me what a mess) the point is to share some cool things we do!!  

I cannot tell you how many cool pictures I’d love to share on the blog or on facebook but I don’t because either there is a huge mess in the background, food on the wall, or a naked kid!!  In fact when trying to get video of Dagyn walking, I had to specifically put pants on him (because he is often naked) and clean the room so that the video would be one I could share, LOL!!  Sad I know, but I’m sure many of y'all can relate.   I mean who wants to share pictures and video where the house looks like it was hit by a hurricane?

And lets not even mention the times we lose our cool with the kids, or we realize that they have been watching TV for hours, or playing video games since they woke up, or are wearing the same clothes for 3 days in a row, or . . .  low and behold . . .  are drinking SODA!!

As I said, this is life!! (the good, bad and embarrassing)  And if I am so concerned with giving an accurate representation of myself and family then I would share some of this stuff too.  And because, I know that sometimes reading about others ‘failures’, imperfections or areas in which they would like to improve, just reaffirms that they are human and . . . “hey, maybe we are not so different after all”.

I mean, none of us is perfect, as much as we wish we were.  When it comes to “natural living” I have certain things I am absolutely steadfast on, where I don’t like to budge at all!!  But there are some things where I will compromise, and others where I fall off the wagon completely, and that is OK.  I say I am on a journey and I will NEVER EVER find an end to that.  We do the best we can with where we are in life, if we can do better we will, if not . . . well, it's not the end of the world (which is something I keep having to reminding myself ;0).

So in an effort to 'Keep it Real', from time to time (when I feel lead) I am going to share some things that I wouldn’t normally think or be inclined to share (be it a messy house, or the TV in the bedroom or the fact I eat ice cream every evening) so that anyone who may have a perception of perfection here, or who may think I am the 'queen of all things natural' can see that we are just like everyone else, a normal family doing the best we can!

I’ll start with somethings about me that I have mentioned before (and is no biggy to those who know me).  Not that these are bad things, but sometimes people get a perception of "natural" gals like me, looking a certain way (stereotypical, peace, love, hippy) . . . . . so for those who haven’t met me or seen many pictures . . . 

Yes, I DO  wear make up (and I won’t be caught dead in public without it, though I am finally starting to experiment with making my own) I say my vanity is a benefit to those who have to look at me! ;0)

Yes, I DO shave my legs (even my thighs . . . even in the winter!!) and of course I shave my pits too!

No, I don’t wear flowy skirts all the time (though I love them and do wear them to church). I like my Jeans the best!  Though in my defense, I do stick with mostly cotton clothes.  And I only own 1 pair of Birkenstocks but I like never wear them (so that stereotype is out the window with me).

And when you see a picture of me and I have one of those bandanas or a scarf on my head (which is OFTEN).  It is NOT because I am trying to look cool or something (though I do like how it looks) it is “usually” because I haven’t washed my hair in several weeks and it looks like crap!!

Just Keepin it Real

A not so great picture of me . . . with dirty hair!! (but lets just focus on the sweet baby I am wearing ;0)

I'll Take Your Crazy, and Raise You a Side of Glaring Indifference

“Girl you are crazy, fo real!!”

I get this comment a lot.  It is usually said in jest with a laugh.  It comes from friends, close friends, well meaning friends . . . and sometimes acquaintances.  I laugh and usually nod my head in agreement, because sometimes I feel a little crazy.  I know they don’t mean anything negative by it, they are simply expressing their surprise or amazement at some of choices we make.  I take absolutely NO offense at it at all!!  I don’t mind being thought of as crazy, especially when I am doing what I think is best.

Of course I also get the comments in a not so nice way, said with a tinge of superiority or even disgust, usually accompanied by an eye roll.  And I am sure most of those people are actually saying it behind my back too “she is CRAZY, can you imagine, I would never do that!!!”.  That is fine too and it doesn’t bother me because like I said, I am doing what I think is best. 

 

Actually I can understand the crazy label being applied to many of our choices that are outside the norm and outside of most peoples comfort zone. 

For example . . . . 

Homebirth (or even unassisted birth).  For those who are unfamiliar with the safety of homebirth and unhindered birth in general, are afraid of birth, who think that birth is a medical event that needs the hospital, or for those who just feel safer with that medical ‘back up’ I can totally understand them thinking that homebirth is ‘crazy’.  I may not agree, but I can understand why they would feel this way. Though I have found that when people do more research on it they tend to warm up to the idea.  But it isn’t for everyone and personally, I can relate because I have often felt the opposite . . . like those who birth in the hospital (without a medical indication) placing their births in the hands of Dr's and hospital regulations are crazy, LOL!! (said in jest of course)  So I understand the feeling!

Natural Health etc. – people get freaked out at the thought of not vaccinating!  Diseases are scary (though some of us believe the vaccine is scarier).  They don’t understand just watching a fever instead of trying to bring it down, or not giving a kid Tylenol or cold meds at every ache or sniffle, or even not taking them to the dr for their ‘well baby’ checks.  We are such a medically minded society who looks to Dr’s to answer and even solve all our health problems, that it is often outside of peoples comfort zone to think of not utilizing this service. If someone wants to think me the crazy herb lady who doesn't have meds in her house I am cool with that!

Elimination Communication – Taking your BABY to the potty?  I don’t even need to explain why this sounds crazy, LOL !  (though I swear when you realize they can communicate this need it makes perfect sense).

Having 6 kids -Plenty of parents are overwhelmed with 1 or 2 small children.  So to them, the thought of more than that seems completely insane!  I understand, but I also explain that God gives them to us one at a time (usually ;0) and so we get a chance to get accustomed to them slowly as we learn new parenting skills and gain more wisdom and patience.  Though some say that for them 6 was easier than 2 . . . I can't really say I have experienced that! (I have older ones to help, but WAY more to keep up with)

But then there are some things about parenting that just seem very natural and normal and instinctual to me. When it comes to things like breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping, I don’t understand how something so primal and so much a part of human nature (nurturing your child) can be seen as crazy.  I still don’t mind the crazy comments about these things, and I certainly don’t take offense, I just have a harder time understanding the sentiment.

So I was lying in our big bed last night in the dark.  All 6 of the kids had decided to sleep in there with us (Xian said he felt like being cozy).  Dagyn was nursing, his body cuddled into mine, his hand on my arm and his little feet kneading at my belly.  I could feel 2 yr old Thrace's body, cuddled up to my back.

   

And I thought . . . .

Is it crazy to love this?

Is it crazy to love cuddling with these babies?

Is it crazy to take joy in meeting my baby’s needs?

Is it crazy for wanting to provide them with the best nutrition in the world, for as long as they need it?

Is it crazy to look for reasons to be with them, instead of looking for reasons to be apart?

Is it crazy to want to cherish every moment because I know they grow so fast?

Is it crazy to embrace my mothering instincts, despite the fact that it goes against the mainstream?

Is it crazy to say yes, when society says I should say no?

Is it crazy to respect my older kids needs and desires without judgment?

Is it crazy to listen to what my baby is telling me?

Is it crazy to want to hold my baby as much as possible, especially when he is telling me he needs it?

Is it crazy to sacrifice my time, my body, and sometimes my mental sanity for the benefit of my children?

Is it crazy to give up my wants for my children's needs?

Well if all of this is crazy, then I am certifiable!! 

   

Go ahead and lock me away!   I’ll admit I am crazy about my kids and making sure I am doing what I feel is right by them!   I mean, don’t all of us parents have a little crazy in us?  And that is why I happily accept your crazy label even if it is meant as a negative, and if it is . . . .  Then I’ll take your crazy and raise you a side of glaring indifference!

 

The picture that prompted the post!

The other day I posted a picture of our big bed with all 8 of us on facebook. I often get people wondering how we make it work so I thought some would find it interesting (and I'll do a whole blog post about it at some point).  Those facebook friends who know how our family does things (and/or do things in a similar way) didn’t think a thing of the picture, but I am sure there were plenty of friends unfamiliar with how we do things, who were shocked by it!  Something I hadn’t even thought about when I posted it!!  And even though the comments I got on it were positive, I could only imagine that there were plenty of 'crazy' comments that would never be shared with me!