I'll Take Your Crazy, and Raise You a Side of Glaring Indifference

“Girl you are crazy, fo real!!”

I get this comment a lot.  It is usually said in jest with a laugh.  It comes from friends, close friends, well meaning friends . . . and sometimes acquaintances.  I laugh and usually nod my head in agreement, because sometimes I feel a little crazy.  I know they don’t mean anything negative by it, they are simply expressing their surprise or amazement at some of choices we make.  I take absolutely NO offense at it at all!!  I don’t mind being thought of as crazy, especially when I am doing what I think is best.

Of course I also get the comments in a not so nice way, said with a tinge of superiority or even disgust, usually accompanied by an eye roll.  And I am sure most of those people are actually saying it behind my back too “she is CRAZY, can you imagine, I would never do that!!!”.  That is fine too and it doesn’t bother me because like I said, I am doing what I think is best. 

 

Actually I can understand the crazy label being applied to many of our choices that are outside the norm and outside of most peoples comfort zone. 

For example . . . . 

Homebirth (or even unassisted birth).  For those who are unfamiliar with the safety of homebirth and unhindered birth in general, are afraid of birth, who think that birth is a medical event that needs the hospital, or for those who just feel safer with that medical ‘back up’ I can totally understand them thinking that homebirth is ‘crazy’.  I may not agree, but I can understand why they would feel this way. Though I have found that when people do more research on it they tend to warm up to the idea.  But it isn’t for everyone and personally, I can relate because I have often felt the opposite . . . like those who birth in the hospital (without a medical indication) placing their births in the hands of Dr's and hospital regulations are crazy, LOL!! (said in jest of course)  So I understand the feeling!

Natural Health etc. – people get freaked out at the thought of not vaccinating!  Diseases are scary (though some of us believe the vaccine is scarier).  They don’t understand just watching a fever instead of trying to bring it down, or not giving a kid Tylenol or cold meds at every ache or sniffle, or even not taking them to the dr for their ‘well baby’ checks.  We are such a medically minded society who looks to Dr’s to answer and even solve all our health problems, that it is often outside of peoples comfort zone to think of not utilizing this service. If someone wants to think me the crazy herb lady who doesn't have meds in her house I am cool with that!

Elimination Communication – Taking your BABY to the potty?  I don’t even need to explain why this sounds crazy, LOL !  (though I swear when you realize they can communicate this need it makes perfect sense).

Having 6 kids -Plenty of parents are overwhelmed with 1 or 2 small children.  So to them, the thought of more than that seems completely insane!  I understand, but I also explain that God gives them to us one at a time (usually ;0) and so we get a chance to get accustomed to them slowly as we learn new parenting skills and gain more wisdom and patience.  Though some say that for them 6 was easier than 2 . . . I can't really say I have experienced that! (I have older ones to help, but WAY more to keep up with)

But then there are some things about parenting that just seem very natural and normal and instinctual to me. When it comes to things like breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping, I don’t understand how something so primal and so much a part of human nature (nurturing your child) can be seen as crazy.  I still don’t mind the crazy comments about these things, and I certainly don’t take offense, I just have a harder time understanding the sentiment.

So I was lying in our big bed last night in the dark.  All 6 of the kids had decided to sleep in there with us (Xian said he felt like being cozy).  Dagyn was nursing, his body cuddled into mine, his hand on my arm and his little feet kneading at my belly.  I could feel 2 yr old Thrace's body, cuddled up to my back.

   

And I thought . . . .

Is it crazy to love this?

Is it crazy to love cuddling with these babies?

Is it crazy to take joy in meeting my baby’s needs?

Is it crazy for wanting to provide them with the best nutrition in the world, for as long as they need it?

Is it crazy to look for reasons to be with them, instead of looking for reasons to be apart?

Is it crazy to want to cherish every moment because I know they grow so fast?

Is it crazy to embrace my mothering instincts, despite the fact that it goes against the mainstream?

Is it crazy to say yes, when society says I should say no?

Is it crazy to respect my older kids needs and desires without judgment?

Is it crazy to listen to what my baby is telling me?

Is it crazy to want to hold my baby as much as possible, especially when he is telling me he needs it?

Is it crazy to sacrifice my time, my body, and sometimes my mental sanity for the benefit of my children?

Is it crazy to give up my wants for my children's needs?

Well if all of this is crazy, then I am certifiable!! 

   

Go ahead and lock me away!   I’ll admit I am crazy about my kids and making sure I am doing what I feel is right by them!   I mean, don’t all of us parents have a little crazy in us?  And that is why I happily accept your crazy label even if it is meant as a negative, and if it is . . . .  Then I’ll take your crazy and raise you a side of glaring indifference!

 

The picture that prompted the post!

The other day I posted a picture of our big bed with all 8 of us on facebook. I often get people wondering how we make it work so I thought some would find it interesting (and I'll do a whole blog post about it at some point).  Those facebook friends who know how our family does things (and/or do things in a similar way) didn’t think a thing of the picture, but I am sure there were plenty of friends unfamiliar with how we do things, who were shocked by it!  Something I hadn’t even thought about when I posted it!!  And even though the comments I got on it were positive, I could only imagine that there were plenty of 'crazy' comments that would never be shared with me!

Alone time together . . . surrounded by kids!! (or, why we are content to go with the flow . . . and why Charlie rocks!!)

Me and Charlie, 2004

Charlie and I have been together 19 1/2 years (since he was 16 and I was 17) and married almost 14 yrs.  We have 6 crazy, fun, amazing kids!  (and to think before he met me he never thought he would ever get married, let alone have 6 kids).  He is and always has been my best friend. We do most everything together as a family (including grocery shopping) and I'd rather spend time with him, even with the kids around, than go have a moms night out with "the girls" (no offense 'girls' ;0).   Not that I don’t enjoy hanging out with like minded moms (believe me, I DO!!) but if I had to choose, spending time with him wins hands down!  And believe it or not, the times he has been asked to go out with the guys, he will often decline (though I promise you, I tell him I am fine with it if he wants to go).

What will we do today on Valentines Day?  Who knows.   We have been busy and as usual, we never made any plans.  Maybe we’ll make a special meal for the kids, maybe some heart cookies for dessert and then watch a movie or something.  One thing we won't get to do is go out alone. We have only gone out without any kids probably 10 times (or maybe even less) in over 11 yrs.   It’s cool, that is life with little ones!  We do stay up hours after the kids are in bed so we can hang out together alone (even if I DO often have to go back into the bedroom to nurse a baby to sleep every 1/2 hr). 

highschool, 1993

It works for us! We don't need huge plans or to have a big night out (though every once in a while it would be nice ;0) We are content to just live life in the moment we were given and enjoy what we have now, because the next stage of life will be different (though I am sure also exciting).
 

You know how  people (often experts) say it is important to have "date nights" and go out without the kids and stuff.   In fact it seems that once a mom has a baby one of the first things on her mind is getting to the point where she can leave the baby with a sitter so she can “go out”.  Well sorry, I am NOT leaving my babies when they are little (and Charlie doesn’t expect or ask me to).  I wait until I am sure they are fine without me (and with a family member they love) for a short time, and that is often closer to 18mo – 2 yrs.  So as it works out, by the time they are that age, I am pregnant again so we  have a window of a few months where we can go out before I have another baby (and then we are not really alone because I have a huge belly baby making their presence known ;0)  Now that I think about it, I am not sure if we even had a chance to go out alone last year before I had Dagyn.  Charlie’s mom was on her way to our house (all of our family are 3 hrs away) to let us go out to dinner but my water broke the night before, so we spent the evening meeting a new baby instead of getting our dinner alone (and we wouldn’t have traded that for anything!!)

in college, 1995

 YES, it is so nice when we do get a couple chances to go out alone every other year. I LOVE it! But I don't think it is mandatory for 'happiness', at least it isn’t for us.  I think happiness is losing preconceived notions and finding contentment where you are and making it work for you (the same can be said about parenting babies and young children). For us, that means maybe losing a bit of sleep at night so that we can spend more time together (and sometimes that is just both of us sitting on the sofa doing computer stuff . . . like right now, or playing a video game, or cleaning, or watching a movie, or talking). For me, it may mean trying not to fall asleep when I go in to nurse a baby back to sleep for the third time . . . because Charlie is waiting in the living room for me to come back out and finish the movie we had to pause . . . again, LOL.  

You know how you always hear people say that marriage is a lot of work . . . in order to have a successful and happy marriage you have to work at it!!  We have talked about it and agree that we can't relate because it has never felt like that to us (not that it makes us any better than anyone else, but it is just how it is).  Maybe it is because we have the same interests and likes . . . I mean we agree on almost everything!  Our personalities complement each other  too,  I am strong willed about some things and he is more easy going, so we don't butt heads much . . .  and we are both just laid back and “logical” about a lot of stuff.   So a lot of things are just no big deal.  I think a big thing is that we recognize each other’s strengths and respect that.   We are Christians, and the Bible talks about submission (which I believe goes both ways) and it is very easy when there is mutual respect . . . there is no need for ‘submission’.  I respect his role as provider and father.  He is extremely intelligent and if there is something he feels is important I don’t question it (I have no reason to, I trust him).  On the other hand, he absolutely respects my instincts as mom, and would never question what I feel is best as it relates to birth and caring for the little ones  . . . no matter how crazy it may seem, he takes it all in stride and usually says “that makes sense”.  He is very good about me having such strong feelings and opinions, and even when I get very verbal about it (though I really think he likes it when I get all riled up about stuff, LOL).   And we both feel that whatever is the most natural just makes the most sense.

Thanksgiving 2010 (I am pregnant with Dagyn)

He doesn’t act embarrassed when I run my mouth, even out in public!  If I am venting about something I am passionate about, he will often join in and agree with me.  He prefers to go to the store with the whole family, no matter how crazy it will get.  And when I run into a friend when out (or if I am stopped by a stranger) he very patiently waits for me to stop running my mouth, even if it has been ½ and hour (or . . . longer).  He doesn’t care that I am nursing 2 or 3 kids and they nurse till they are 4-5, and has even defended it to his friends.  He doesn’t bat an eye at “playing midwife” during our births.  He sleeps in the bed, sandwiched between kids, being kicked in the head, having kids lie all over him, and he has never once said “hey, let’s try to move the kids out of the bed”.   He has NEVER once complained about the messy house, or the naked babies who never have diapers on or the piles of slings and carriers filling up the back of the car (OK so he has complained about that last one a time or 2, LOL).  He is happy to just go with the flow . . . how awesome is that!!

Geez neither of us are perfect, but we know that too!!   I have ALWAYS joked that God put us together because He knew that only we could tolerate each other!  

The most recent picture I could find of us together, Jan 2012

 I would love to have more date nights . . . and I say as with everything . . . "maybe we can do that when we are 50"  But instead of forcing it, or leaving my kids before I think they are ready, or thinking that it is mandatory, or resenting that we don't get to go out alone often, I am content and happy with the stage of life I am in now and make it work without having to leave my kids or make sacrifices that I am not comfortable with (because if I am not comfortable with it, he wouldn’t be either).   I will definitely enjoy being able to do more stuff just the 2 of us, when the kids are older and don't need us as much.  I actually think about that often, though I joke that we will not get alone time even then because we will probably be constantly babysitting grandkids . . . . but I know we'll enjoy that too. 

As for now, we are happy to enjoy our date nights at home, eating ice cream, watching movies, just hanging out, with the occasional interruption of a crying baby or screaming toddler of course.    It is what it is and that is what makes it so cool, we don’t need more than what we have at any given time.  We are blessed with an amazing family!  If we can’t be happy with life as it is right now . . . then I am not sure that anything could bring us happiness!

The day Dagyn was born . . . look what we have created!!!!

Yes, Parenting IS Hard!! Why *I* Carpe Diem!!

This blog post from the Huffington Post has been making the rounds on facebook lately.  It is entitled 'Don't Carpe Diem'.  If you haven't read it . . . the author reflects on the comments she receives from older people (and any of us with kids have heard them) telling her how much they loved parenting their little ones, how it was the best time of their lives and that we (parents of younger kids) should enjoy it while it lasts. These comments bug her, make her panicky and stressed out and according to the comments on her post, many agree. So many of my friends have linked to it, everyone seems to love it.  She definitely makes some good points and seeing as how us moms so often relate to each other, the post validates what a lot of us feel day to day.  Parenting IS hard!!  But the post didn't speak to me, in fact I kind of didn't like it (ducks head). And this is no offense to the author or any of my (MANY) friends who loved it and said "Amen" a million times while reading it.  It's cool!  Actually, I agreed with most of what she wrote, I guess I just have a different perspective on the Carpe Diem thing.

So after my 5th stock response to a friend linking to this post (because for some reason I feel this need to give my perspective on, like, everything) I decided to suck it up and just blog about it myself . . . because with 6 kids, ages 10mo to 11yrs, I have SO much time to sit at the computer and blog (and if you look to the right of this page you will see the plethora of blog posts I have found time to write in the past few months . . . though I DO try I swear!!!).

I hear it often, from men and women and I'll admit it . . . I love it when older people tell me to Carpe Diem!!  Of all the comments I get (and I get a lot of comments when I am out with 6 kids) this is my favorite!  They are looking at my crew (and it is a motley crew) with a smile on their face, joy in their eyes, and I can just see them remembering what it was like when their kids were little.

This is the most recent photo of my crew from 2.25.11  it is also one of the few pictures I have of the kids where they are all fully dressed (usually 1-2 of them are butt naked).  Do you see trouble?  HA!  (as if the headless Jack Skellington in Thrace's hand isn't a clue ;0)

The comment usually starts with . . . "your family is beautiful".  At this point I can breathe a sigh of relief knowing I don't have to come up with some witty retort to a rude comment.  And then they tell me how this was their favorite part of parenting, when their kids were little, and how I should enjoy it because it flies by.  I find it really puts things into perspective for me, and not just because my oldest is 11 and I am stumped at how he got so big so fast!

I think . . . are these people blind? They are obviously not seeing that my 2 yr old in the buggy (he is there because he keeps running off hiding in the clothes racks) is taking great joy in throwing all the groceries on the floor (or opening boxes of crackers, pealing bananas etc.) No I don't "let" him do these things, but sometimes, when I look away he does anyway, I mean, he is only 2!!  They don't know that the just turned 5 yr old, who is taunging the 2 yr old, hasn't listened to ONE thing I have told him since we left the house (he is by far my hardest at this point).  They must not see the 7 yr old who for some reason keeps falling on the floor RIGHT in front of peoples buggies (I don't know why he does this, he is just a jokester, and his clothes are filthy because of it too) or the way the older 2 like to stand in the middle of the asile and spin and spin and spin and pay no attention to all the people around them! (in their defense, they only do it when the aisle is empty, but the thing about aisle's is, that eventually, people do walk down them, whether or not you are spinning ;0)  And what is the baby doing?  Well I am wearing him (of course) and he is stuck on my boob because some days, if he isn't nursing in the Kozy he is NOT happy!!(he is actually nursing right this moment, kicking my arm as I am trying to type).

They aren't 'bad' kids (they aren't puppets or robots either) they are just kids . . . normal kids doing 'normal' kid things!  And I think . . . these well meaning people making these positive comments must not have seen how my kids were acting.  And they certainally haven't seen all the faces or negitive looks I have gotten from strangers since leaving the house!!

Or maybe, could it be that they DO see all these things, and they DO remember all these things and they STILL look at me with envy?  Because despite how hard it was for them (and remember, their kids are grown so they have been through it all) in their reflection, they realize how fleeting it is too, and they WISH they would have taken more time to enjoy parenting, ALL aspects of parenting.  These are the same people who often (more often than I would have thought) admit to me that they always wished that they had MORE kids.  "I always wanted more children, but we thought it was best to stop at 2 or 3" etc.  It breaks my heart to think that now, as their childbearing years are long gone, they are confiding in me and envying ME and my motley crew (did I mention how my kids were acting??).  I don't mind their comments, I want to benefit from their experiences and wisdom and the moment they took out of their day to share with me.

I don't get paranoid or annoyed when I hear "Carpe Diem", I get determined!!

You see I am basically a pretty negative person.  I can find anything to complain about, it's easy to find the negative in things.  Just ask my husband. On the days he is gone he will often receive multiple calls from me with stories about either something crazy one of the kids has done or with me near tears because I am about to lose my mind!! (when I get stressed I tend to repeat "I think I am going to lose my mind!!!" over and over)  I want him to KNOW what I am dealing with here while he is out.  Of course he knows, because when he is home he is in the thick of it too, but sometimes, I just like to remind him ya know?  We homeshool, so the kids are home with me 24/7.  I have been nursing for 11 yrs straight (tandem for 9 1/2).  I have nursed kids to sleep for nap and bed EVERYDAY for over 11 yrs straight, so getting them in bed usually takes between 1-2 hrs (this is why we have the horrible TV in the bedroom . . . no judging ;0).  I have no local family and don't leave my babies anyway, so it is rare for dh and I to get out by ourselves (and usually by the time my youngest is ready to be left, I am pregnant again, so we get a few 'dates' alone before I have another baby).  Some nights, we have all 6 kids in our VERY big bed with us! . . . . . This is my life!!  These things may seem overwhelming and like negatives to some people, but I love it and it is what I feel is best for my kids.  However, having kids on you and with you 24/7 means you have very little 'no kid' time and makes it very easy to get overwhelmed (at least that is the excuse I use).

Parenting is hard, especially when you don't get many breaks.  But that is what I signed up for, it is what I wanted and what I was expecting when I decided to have kids (and decided to parent the way I do).  No one has ever told me that it wouldn't be hard, in fact most of the things I hear or have heard from society about having kids are negative . . . they ruin your body (cause prolapse, thinning hair, stretch out your skin and boobs, cause you to gain weight, and well, lets just say makes jumping on a trampoline not the most positive experience) they are very inconvenient to your life and career, they are selfish, they are super expensive and when they get older, they become extremely ungrateful and disrespectful. They multiply, shoot they quadruple your worry,  and you will never, ever sleep soundly again!!

And, yes, some or all of these things may be true.  But to me, it isn't about the negatives, the lack of sleep and frustration, the constant worry, second guessing, and countless hours of research (because I am a research nut). And it isn't JUST about the random peaceful, quiet, calm, sweet baby, tender kisses, book reading moments either (the moments that come infrequently but you would freeze and make them last longer if you could) . . .  It is about the journey!

Bringing these little souls into the world, watching them grow, helping them learn, seeing the people they are becoming . . . yes PEOPLE!!  These beautiful, independent, little people who are the greatest responsibility . . . MY responsibility!  Yes, the thought is overwhelming!  I can get negative quick, I can (and do) complain.  I tell the kids,  "I am only one person, I can't do everything" and I mean it!!  But when I examine my life, and the home and atmosphere I provide for my kids, I don't want it to be negative where I am just struggling to get through the next day, hour or even moment (even if inside, I feel like I am struggling much of the time).  I want the atmosphere to be positive!!  

I believe mothering is a privileged, a most high calling, and I want to act like it is durn it!!  

I want to be a positive example of parenting.  I want the kids (and strangers when we are out for that matter) to see me smile and laugh and handle each obstacle with grace.  A grace that doesn't come naturally to me, but that I long to possess.  I want people to look at me as an example of the best parts of parenting, not all the trials and hardships.  I don't want worthwhile moments to be thrown in here and there. I don't want the moments that I will cherish to be just those easy, peaceful or blissful moments that are too few and far between.  I don't want the positive moments to be fleeting, I want to embrace all of it, to look for the positive in all of it, to learn how to find joy in all of it, and to cherish all of it. 

So for me that sometimes means a change of mindset, a change of perspective.  It means looking for the positive, not after the chaos but the midst of it (which may not always be easy).  It means not just trying to just make it through each moment, but trying to actually enjoy each moment for what it is, another step in my day and my journey through parenting.  That doesn't mean I have to love cleaning poop off the sofa, it doesn't mean I have to love it when the toddler throws a fit and is banging his head on the floor, it doesn't mean I have to love it when there is chocolate sauce on the carpet, the sink or toilet has overflowed for the upteenth time, when kids are (literally) pulling each others hair out, the toddler is dumping cereal on the floor, or (as is usually the case) when all of these things are happening at once.  I may not love these things, but I want to cherish them, to embrace them, to find the positive in all of them and squeeze as much joy out of them as I possibly can!! I strive to live in each moment of life, the good and the bad, and I want to remember it all, because every aspect of parenting, the easy and hard, all shape me and make me the person that I am . . . and I in turn use that to help shape my children!

I am not always successful, the Lord knows (and so do my friends and family) that I need SO much help trying to be more positive.  And that I often fail.  I will never be perfect.  It doesn't mean that I can't or won't sometimes still complain or vent . . . because sometimes we get overwhelmed and just need to get things off our chest.  That is OK, I'll vent for a moment and move on, hopefully with a smile.  And I'll most definitely remind people not to expect too much from me because most days I can't even remember my own name ;0)  But I don't want to look back and regret that I was so caught up in the chaos that I missed some pretty cool stuff!  Sometimes, the chaos can be downright amazing!  And when it isn't, I'll try my hardest not to just 'get through' the next moment, but to Carpe Diem!

So yes, parenting is hard, everyone who has ever been a parent knows there are times when it is hard . . . though I will absolutely take my days here at home with the kids over chopping wood all weekend like dh has been doing lately.  But when I take my eyes off my 18mo old for a second, only to find him on the ROOF (yes, that reads roof . . . like R.O.O.F, the roof of the house). . .  or when my 2 yr old strips naked, like completely butt naked in the aisle at Walmart (yes, they both happened, but if you ask me about them I will deny it ;0), when I have spent an hour cleaning the kitchen (after spending an hour cooking) and then walk into the living room to find it trashed, or when I have heard "mom, I'm hungry" for the 50th time . . . I'll try my hardest to "count it all joy" so that instead of a defeated sigh, I'll smile, or maybe even laugh and say "Thank you God for blessing me with healthy, happy kids with active imaginations and plenty of energy . . . and thank you for grace".

And on the hardest of days, I will remember those older parents who have reminded me to 'carpe diem' and thank them for helping me to keep things in perspective! 

Now to put things into perspective again . . . here are some pictures of what was going on in the house while I was distracted writing this (an example of why I do most of my writing at night, and since I am usually tired, a reason why my blog is just overflowing with posts!! ;0)

I found this on my phone, looks like someone wanted to take some self portraits!!

Yes, that is a knife in the chocolate peanut butter (and yes, he is naked butt)

apparently someone left the art supplies box out and someone else got into it and had some fun (and I spy another little guy on the right without pants on)

Not too bad!! Trust me, it could have been (and often is) MUCH worse!

Overall it was a pretty uneventful couple of hours!

(and the older kids did a great job helping clean up).

Elimination Communication is better together!

Thrace 2, Dagyn at almost 6mo

I'm sorry, y'all may think I am weird but I just think babies sitting on potties are precious!! 

Thrace finally 'graduated' from EC at around 26-27mo old.  He was the oldest of all my kids to become potty independent.  The others were using the potty pretty reliably between 17-24 months. But that is OK, they are all different and admiditally, by the time I was on kid #5, I didn't have as much time to spend taking them to the potty as I did when I just had a couple kids.  It is about communication afterall. 

Dagyn is proving to be just like the boys.  Piper (my only girl) loved to sit and play on the little potty, not the boys!  They are anxious to get off and crawl around!  So needless to say, I am still holding him over the sink or potty when he has to go most of the time.  He has been naked bum around the house since he was about 6 wks old. As with the others, we typically only use diapers at home for naps and bed.  He is 7mo now and for the past month has been crawling around everywhere!  So far no potty strikes! (knock on wood)  He is still communicating his need to go and is still patient when I take him potty (often times, once they start crawling and walking they go through a strike and become impatient with having to stop to go potty . . . all of my kids have done this). 

We'll see how long that lasts!!

You might be an [instinctive parenting] redneck if . . . . .

When a car drives by your house they see your pantless, long haired, 4 yr old boy doing this . . .

Ever shooting a BB gun . . . pantless

 And then when they walk up on your porch, they see this . . .

Baby in a box.  And notice that blur behind him, a cage of chickens . . . yes, on the front porch!!

 Of course those who know me know that I am not a redneck (though I have some family members who would proudly claim that title!!).  At least, I don't *think* I am, LOL!!

This was just the scene from our house this evening.  The kids were wanting to shoot the BB gun so I set up a box as a target for them.  They were shooting when a car drove by (we are in a fairly secluded area so cars don't drive by too often).  That is when I noticed the scene in front of me and what I can only imagine those people (who were obviously sight seeing on the mountain) must have thought.  For me, parenting by instincts often means I usually just go with the flow, which I am sure may look a bit odd to some.

I had 2 long haired boys shooting a bb gun . . . and I had to tell them to stop so they wouldn't hit the car driving by.  One of them had no pants on (they had gotten wet, and he can't stand wet clothes).  Another long haired boy with the water hose spraying it towards the road.  I had to holler for him to stop too as he totally would have soaked them inside their car . . . as their windows were down (hey, just noticed I used the word "holler" . . . very redneck of me).  I also had a toddler running around the yard butt naked.  His clothing of choice is no clothing at all.  He is ALWAYS naked, and he likes to run down the yard when cars drive by yelling "car, car, car, car, car", oh and of course there was a baby sitting on the porch in a box.

Dagyn, my box baby, 5mo old.

Yes I put him in the box with toys (I was doing lots of bending over picking stuff up which is hard on my body when wearing him, and he was happy to sit and play).   We are always putting Dagyn in boxes and various other containers to play and the kids love to push him around in them.   I have no clue where Piper was, but she was not interested in the gun (surprisingly since when she was younger she expressed an interest in hunting, which is interesting as we have never hunted).

more bb gun fun

 Hey, we were having fun which is what matters.  And I was really proud of 4 yr old Ever.  It was his first time shooting the bb gun and he was able to hit the box after about his 5th try.  I showed him how to aim and he maneuvered his little body to line up the sight!  Actually, they were all really good at aiming. 

It was quite the humorous scene.  I felt better though when I recalled events from earlier in the day. It was calm and peaceful.  All the kids sitting on the screen porch eating 'dang quesadillas', chips and salsa. That isn't quite as 'redneck' is it? (though I still had 1 naked and 1 without pants ;0) 

Wearing newborn Dagyn

1 week old in a wrapsody

 I like to try to take as many babywearing pictures as I can, especially when the kids are newborns, just because they grow so quickly.  I am working on a blog post showing different ways to wear newborns (need to find some pictures taken over the years) but for now I wanted to share some of the ways I have been wearing Dagyn since he was born (5 wks ago if you can believe it!!).

1 week old, nursing in the Kozy

3 wks in the Maya lightly padded

I have recruited Xian (10) and Piper (8) to take pictures of us, as Charlie is often either not here or not in the mood to take pictures for the 100th time.  So many of these were taken by the kids.  I have been so determined to document everything that I have even had them take pictures of me sans make up (I know, shocking right?)

That is a Kozy baby!

 There is nothing better than newborn babywearing!  I mean that sweet little tiny baby cuddled up on your chest, mmmmm, I LOVE it!

Some people have expressed surprise that I use slings other than my Kozys, and it is true that I honestly do use my Kozys like 90% of the time when they are older (because I LOVE them) and I find them easiest to nurse in at any age.  But as newborns, I really like to use a variety of slings and carriers.  And there is nothing like wrapping a newborn!!

2 wks old in a wrapsody stretch at the park

I have really been wearing Dagyn on my back a lot.  It seems more than I did with the last few kids.  He takes to it well and it is just easier when I have things to do around here like dishes or mopping where a back carry is easier.

1 wk old, smiling in a Girasol

2 wks in the Didy

2 wks in Kozy

3 wks, in wrapsody

Doing dishes with 2 wk old Dagyn on my back in the Kozy

Hands free nursing (with his little leg hanging out) in the wrapsody stretch @2 wks old (we were at Lowes shopping)

8 yr old Piper, wearing 3 wk old Dagyn in a Kozy

Mmmmm, SO sweet!!

World Breastfeeding Week

OK so I know I have been MIA (super busy summer here).  And of course I am behind on breastfeeding week too (which was this past week) but in honor of the occasion I put my breastfeeding stats on facebook and figured I may as well blog about them too!

 Me nursing 13mo old Thrace in Yellowstone, June 2010

OK, so here are my Breastfeeding Stats . . . . 

• I started nursing with my first child in 2000
• I have been nursing for almost 10 years non-stop
• I have been tandem nursing (nursing 2) for over 8 years non-stop
• I have nursed through 4 pregnancies
• I have tandem nursed through 3 pregnancies
• I have nursed 3 kids for a total of a year (6mo after #3 was born, 6mo after #4 was born)
• I have nursed a child to sleep every night for almost 10 yrs straight (and almost every day for nap)
• I have nursed 2 kids to sleep (for bed and nap) for 8 yrs straight
• So far, my 3 kids who have weaned did so at 4.6, 5, and 4.8 yrs old
• I am currently nursing my 1 and 3 yr old (to bed and for nap ;0)
• I started pumping to donate milk after #4 and 5 and have pumped 1000's of oz
• All of my kids nursed exclusively for a min of 6mo (till they insisted on eating table food)
• None of my kids has ever had a drop of formula 
• None of my kids has ever had a bottle, not even of expressed milk (nor a paci)
• And I am very grateful that I, or my babies, have never had any 'issues' or problems nursing, other than the occasional 'episode' of mastitis, ugh.

So I suppose all of this makes me 'special' or some amazing person right?  Uh no!! LOL!!  There is nothing amazing or special about me.  I just do what I have to do and what I feel is best.  What is amazing and special is the fact that God created our bodies so wonderfully and perfectly!  That we can make the most perfect food for our babies!  That breastfeeding has a host of benefits not just for baby but for mom too!

I happen to feel very strongly about nursing, and I also happen to be pretty stubborn and determined and idealistic about some things too.  No it is not always easy (especially when you are 9mo pg nursing a toddler and just barely being able to tolerate it) but I am just so convinced that allowing them to nurse as long as they need to is not only the most natural choice, but it is also so beneficial to them, that any 'issues' I may have are simply minor inconveniences and I can suck it up and deal with it (even if it means I spend over an hour every night nursing kids to sleep, LOL).  It becomes normal, it becomes natural and it is like second nature.

It is life with little ones and I wouldn't change a thing!

The Safety of Babywearing

OK, first my rant, then practical information, LOL!!  All the pictures in this post are me wearing newborns properly.
(me wearing my newborn niece in my favorite Wrapsody wrap by Gypsymama)

There have been a slew of news reports lately about the safety of wearing your baby in slings. You know I find it kind of ironic that we have to even discuss the safety of the ancient art of babywearing in an age where we speed down the highway at 60mph on a daily basis!  I mean babywearing is almost as old as giving birth!  For as long as women have been having babies they have been tying them onto their bodies with whatever they had handy so that they can go about their work while meeting their baby's needs.  You don't often hear mainstream moms and 'professionals' calling strollers, car seats or cribs dangerous (minus of course any recalled our outdated items).  But babywearing (not the norm in our culture, thus people are suspicious of it) is often ignorantly questioned in regards to safety.  How about runaway strollers, babies crawling out of car seats which were placed on high surfaces, falling off of changing tables etc.?  These accidents are chalked up to 'user error' with no screaming to condemned these baby 'gadgets' as inherently dangerous (after all, without a crib where would baby sleep?).  I am not even going to get into things like stairs, the cords from blinds, pots of boiling water on the stove, buckets of water in the garage, pets and many other things that tragically cause the death of babies and children every year.

 My day old niece in a custom Kozy

All of the babywearers I know can relate to being stopped by 'well meaning' people who are freaked out that our babies are either terribly uncomfortable, going to be dropped, or can't breathe.  And if it isn't one of those 3, then we are spoiling them (I need a little eye roll face to insert here).  Somehow it is overlooked that perhaps the safest (not to mention the most natural) place for our babies to spend the majority of their time is right next to our body!  Though I will say, it is almost hard to blame people for the ignorant thinking about babywearing.  It is simply a cultural thing here in the US (other countries and cultures view it differently, just as they do things like co-sleeping, extended nursing, elimination communication etc.).  It is also peoples inability to think naturally, or even outside of their mainstream, society constructed box.  Perhaps some day babywearing will become the norm here and no longer viewed as a 'fad' or something that is inherently dangerous.

Same niece as above, a few wks old in a Didymos (right)

I remember the time I was in a restaurant with newborn Thrace.  I had a man stop me asking if my baby (covered in a wrap) could breathe in there.  I very kindly turned to the side and showed him the opening on the other side, through which he could see Thrace's precious little sleeping face.  My last 2 newborns fussed unless they had their heads tucked in the wrap (and if I tried to unwrap their head, they usually woke up) so though their heads are covered, I would make sure they had a clear airway in front of their face.  My first instinct is to tell these people . . . no, my goal is to smother this child that I prayed for, that I carried for 9mo and spent 24 hrs of natural labor and 2 hrs pushing out and whom I love much more than YOU could ever imagine.  Of course I didn't say this and by the end of the conversation (talked to he and his wife for probably 15 min) I think I had a babywearing convert, LOL!!

I would think that it was nice for all these strangers to be so concerned with the well being of my babies, but in reality a lot of these people are just busy bodies who are nosy and relish in the negative.  Don't believe me, just look at the obsession we have with reality TV!

Wearing Thrace 5 wks in the type of wrap mentioned above this one is a HugABub

Sure, certain aspects of babywearing may look questionable (like throwing a baby on your back in the parking lot, having them covered in fabric, or having a sleeping baby with a dangling head, which inevitably happens when I have a baby on my back in a wrap) but I am of the opinion that while I try my hardest to make babywearing look good for the skeptics (and I do, ask my friends, I am SUPER picky about how I look babywearing) there is only so much I can do.

 (left) 4 wk old Thrace in one of my favorite wrap brands, Gypsymama

But enough of me ranting about our ignorant societies views on the ancient tradition of babywearing.

I am mostly writing in response to the statement released by the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) warning about slings.  It is absolutely horrifying to think of any baby dying or being harmed while being worn.  But unfortunately it has happened, though as was stated, most of these babies were either premature or 'compromised' in some way or another (and I often wonder if any had been vaccinated recently, but that is for another blog).  Regardless, any death or injury is tragic regardless of the circumstances.  This is information that really needs to be shared.  People need to know what slings are good and the proper way to use them.  As a manufacturer my goal is to help parents and babies to bond, to make parenting easier and babies happier and this is the goal of all the other babywearing manufacturers I know (and I know a lot).

 2 wk old Ever in the Bei Bei

Basic one shoulder slings are the target of this specific statement as are babies under 4mo (which is why I have pictures of me wearing newborns throughout this post).  It is actually well written for the most part and has good information.  The downside is that it gives more fuel to the fire for those who already, in their ignorance, viewed babywearing as unsafe.  (hence my rant above) And the news stations have picked up on the story and there have been numerous reports and stories both on TV and online spreading misinformation.  You know how things get started and kind of snowball out of control and leave me yelling at the TV or computer trying to 'right' the 'wrongs' which is such a pointless action since I know they can't hear me (but I just can't help myself).  There are now moms who will abandon any though of babywearing and the many babies who will now end up in strollers or buckets away from the arms of the ones they need most.  I have already read far too many comments from moms whose friends and family are using this recent statement by the CPSC as justification their negative comments and thoughts on babywearing.  For those adamantly against babywearing, a statement like this is sure to be used to discourage it in favor of less intuitive, less attached and nurturing forms of transporting baby around.  And I for one do not believe that strollers or buckets are safer . . . babies in our society need to be drawn closer to us, not pushed further away.

When it comes to slings and safety, the issue is almost always user error. If a sling appears unsafe, or if a baby gets in a compromising position it is not the sling at fault, because they can be used correctly. Most of the slings and carriers on the market are well designed.  There is only 1 type of sling I know of that is a poor design and full of flaws and that is the 'bag style' sling like the one made by Infantino (among others) and can often be found at big box stores.  This link explains the issues and the inherent design flaws http://babyslingsafety.blogspot.com/   These 'bag' slings though are vastly different from your basic ring sling or pouch which are not structured and which have fabric that can be moved around to get baby into a good position.  And it is easy to do, especially if you have good instructions to follow.  What is unfortunate is that the word "sling" is being used as a sweeping term to describe any 1 shoulder carrier, and they are NOT all created equal.  Even consumer reports is not recommending slings because of the issues with the Infantino Sling Rider, which is as I said, a bag style sling which has design flaws and is vastly different from a ring sling or pouch.  Until people become educated about babywearing and see it as a viable option (not a crazy, hippy trend) there will always be misinformation and misunderstandings.

Wearing 2 wk old Arah in a Kangaroo Korner lightly padded ring sling

Safety is an issue, and it is an extremely important one!!  But the bottom line is that slings are safe . . . period!!  Providing good detailed instructions and warnings to reduce the chance of user error is something that is in the forefront of every vendors mind, along with of course, providing a well made and structurally sound product that is absolutely safe.

So the questions are . . . how do you know you have a good sling and how to you use it properly?

Finding a good sling.

It isn't hard to find a good sling.  Like I said above, most slings are safe to use, the only type of sling I know of that I cannot recommend is the "bag" style sling shown in the link above.  But despite the fact that most slings can be used safely, some brands are just easier to use and adjust and made better than others.  A well fitted pouch, ring sling, mei tai, wrap or structured carrier should be able to be used properly without any concern as to the safety of your child.  There are plenty of smaller wahm companies that make excellent quality products.  Occasionally there people selling online (usually places like ebay and the like) who may ignorantly be using inferior materials or stitching, it isn't super common but it does happen.  If you are concerned about the quality of a product then look for names from reputable companies with positive reviews and feedback. Companies that are well talked about and trusted.  Just because you can find a sling at your local WalMart or Target doesn't mean it is superior to one that is only sold online.  There are plenty of wonderful products and businesses that can't meet the low prices or manufacture in the high numbers required to be carried by larger chain stores.  Many of us wahm's who have started businesses did so out of necessity and the slings and carriers we make were designed by trial and error with our own children.  Though many wahm companies have grown quite large (hotslings, Ergo, Maya wrap just to name a few) the basic foundations are the same . . . slings and carriers designed for moms by moms, not by a large corporation.  Most of us started out with 1 goal in mind . . . to help moms wear their babies.  Anything else that may have come from starting a business has just been icing on the cake!
If you are looking for a good sling you can find information and reviews for slings at The Babywearer

Ever reclining in a KK adjustable pouch. (above)  Notice his back is straight, head up

Tummy to tummy in same brand, different color (below)

How to properly wear your baby

A note on Personal Responsibility

Personal responsibility has often been overlooked in many areas of our society today.  But ultimately, that is, or should be in the center of everything we do and all the choices we make. Life is about taking responsibility for our actions, from the moment we wake till our head hits the pillow at night.  We make a million choices in a day, some of them are without any thought (do I put my left or right leg in my pants first?) some require a split second decision that is made instinctively (do I pull out into the road now or wait for that car to pass?) others require forethought and some knowledge or education on our part (how do I position my baby in this sling properly?).  This is not to be overlooked when wearing our babies.  A manufacturer can only provide you with a good sound product, directions and warnings, you have to be able to follow the directions and seek help if you have any issues or questions.   We can take responsibility by making sure we are using these products correctly.

I like to provide info on any and all possible ways to use the Kozy so that you, the customer has full information and options.  Some manufacturers don't give info on things like, how to put a newborn on your back, but I like to trust that people will take the info I provide and use it responsibly. 
This is precious cargo we are carrying.  It doesn't mean we have to be fearful.  It doesn't mean you can't try that back carry you have been wanting to try.  It simply means that you think logically.  If you are inexperienced, uncomfortable or unsure you make sure you have someone spotting you and you try new carries while sitting down.  Babywearing correctly is easy and if it isn't intuitive at first it becomes so once you get used to it.  There is nothing more natural and nothing safer than carrying your baby!

 Days old Ever nice and high and snug in the Kozy

Any good sling company should have detailed instructions on how to use their product correctly as well as warnings of what not to do.  Of course we should be cautious that we are carrying all ages of babies and kids correctly, but the dangers being addressed and cautions below apply more to specifically newborns and young babies.  These are overall 'rules' that apply to all carriers as well.  I'll list a few here, but much more detailed information can be found at the links below

• Make sure your baby is in a good position.  A good position means that the baby is not all balled up with their back curved and their chin on their chest.  It is hard for them to breathe in this position and a newborn may not be able to lift their head to get a better airway.  Readjusting the baby's position or the sling (taking up slack) so that baby's chin is up and back is flat is important and it is fairly easy to do.  They should be held firmly against your body.  Personally, I prefer a tummy to tummy position as opposed to lying down, even with day old newborns.  I find it more comfortable, easier to monitor them and easier to assure proper positioning.  This can be done in most slings and carriers where you can adjust the fabric to pull them in close to your body. 
• Make sure you can see baby.  I like to wear my newborns up high on my chest where they are easy to monitor.  Usually I will choose tummy 2 tummy but even in more of a reclining position, you should be able to have them up high enough (their bum above your belly button) where you can easily monitor their position and breathing.  Lowering them to nurse is fine, just make sure you can monitor them while they are nursing and reposition them up higher after they are finished nursing.  I have nursed newborns plenty of times in ring slings, wraps, and the Kozy with no issues.  If you are doing a back carry with a newborn you should be able to get them high enough on your back where you can see them over your shoulder.
• Make sure the baby has an airway.  Most people say to keep the fabric off of the face, and this is good general advice. But like I said above, my newborns would fuss those first few months if they couldn't tuck their head in my wrap.  However, despite the fabric being over their head I was easily able to make sure they had a clear airway with no fabric lying over the front of their face or obstructing their access to fresh air, which is most important.  You just want to use common sense and make sure they are not re-breathing air which can cause problems.

 Days old Ever in the Kozy.  He had just finished nursing and fell asleep.  I didn't raise him all the way back up this time, but I did make sure he was positioned correctly with chin up.

Another good ring sling carry with 2 wk old Arah in a Zolowear

Here is the Position Paper from the Baby Carrier Industry Alliance.  It is good, accurate information on just how safe babywearing is, and has many professional testimonies to support that!!

Here is an excellent article by M'liss (she wrote the babywearing 101 article for Mothering's babywearing issue) with lots of pictures on the correct, and incorrect way to position baby in various slings and carriers.

Jan from Sleeping Baby has recently put up a page about not only the difference between good slings and the potentially dangerous "bag" slings (complete with pictures of the different brands of bag slings) but she also has info on how to properly wear your ring sling.  You can find it HERE.  Make sure you pan down to the bottom of her page.  She has a PDF she made up of business sized cards you can print and cut out to hand to those ignorant, but well meaning strangers or family members who have seen these news reports and question the safety of your sling.
Excellent job Jan!!

Babywearing International's Safety Page

I wanted to send out my thanks to the many babywearing vendors (and friends) who have been working extremely hard, spending their time and money for the past year (or more) traveling to ASTM meetings working to develop sling safety standards that will apply to all slings and carriers.  They are there representing all of us smaller wahm's and manufacturers (as opposed to the big mega corporations who produce babywearing items) so that our voices, thoughts, opinions and carriers are not misunderstood and we are not overlooked. Their work on this is priceless!! 

2 wk old Thrace in the Didymos