I'll Take Your Crazy, and Raise You a Side of Glaring Indifference

“Girl you are crazy, fo real!!”

I get this comment a lot.  It is usually said in jest with a laugh.  It comes from friends, close friends, well meaning friends . . . and sometimes acquaintances.  I laugh and usually nod my head in agreement, because sometimes I feel a little crazy.  I know they don’t mean anything negative by it, they are simply expressing their surprise or amazement at some of choices we make.  I take absolutely NO offense at it at all!!  I don’t mind being thought of as crazy, especially when I am doing what I think is best.

Of course I also get the comments in a not so nice way, said with a tinge of superiority or even disgust, usually accompanied by an eye roll.  And I am sure most of those people are actually saying it behind my back too “she is CRAZY, can you imagine, I would never do that!!!”.  That is fine too and it doesn’t bother me because like I said, I am doing what I think is best. 

 

Actually I can understand the crazy label being applied to many of our choices that are outside the norm and outside of most peoples comfort zone. 

For example . . . . 

Homebirth (or even unassisted birth).  For those who are unfamiliar with the safety of homebirth and unhindered birth in general, are afraid of birth, who think that birth is a medical event that needs the hospital, or for those who just feel safer with that medical ‘back up’ I can totally understand them thinking that homebirth is ‘crazy’.  I may not agree, but I can understand why they would feel this way. Though I have found that when people do more research on it they tend to warm up to the idea.  But it isn’t for everyone and personally, I can relate because I have often felt the opposite . . . like those who birth in the hospital (without a medical indication) placing their births in the hands of Dr's and hospital regulations are crazy, LOL!! (said in jest of course)  So I understand the feeling!

Natural Health etc. – people get freaked out at the thought of not vaccinating!  Diseases are scary (though some of us believe the vaccine is scarier).  They don’t understand just watching a fever instead of trying to bring it down, or not giving a kid Tylenol or cold meds at every ache or sniffle, or even not taking them to the dr for their ‘well baby’ checks.  We are such a medically minded society who looks to Dr’s to answer and even solve all our health problems, that it is often outside of peoples comfort zone to think of not utilizing this service. If someone wants to think me the crazy herb lady who doesn't have meds in her house I am cool with that!

Elimination Communication – Taking your BABY to the potty?  I don’t even need to explain why this sounds crazy, LOL !  (though I swear when you realize they can communicate this need it makes perfect sense).

Having 6 kids -Plenty of parents are overwhelmed with 1 or 2 small children.  So to them, the thought of more than that seems completely insane!  I understand, but I also explain that God gives them to us one at a time (usually ;0) and so we get a chance to get accustomed to them slowly as we learn new parenting skills and gain more wisdom and patience.  Though some say that for them 6 was easier than 2 . . . I can't really say I have experienced that! (I have older ones to help, but WAY more to keep up with)

But then there are some things about parenting that just seem very natural and normal and instinctual to me. When it comes to things like breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping, I don’t understand how something so primal and so much a part of human nature (nurturing your child) can be seen as crazy.  I still don’t mind the crazy comments about these things, and I certainly don’t take offense, I just have a harder time understanding the sentiment.

So I was lying in our big bed last night in the dark.  All 6 of the kids had decided to sleep in there with us (Xian said he felt like being cozy).  Dagyn was nursing, his body cuddled into mine, his hand on my arm and his little feet kneading at my belly.  I could feel 2 yr old Thrace's body, cuddled up to my back.

   

And I thought . . . .

Is it crazy to love this?

Is it crazy to love cuddling with these babies?

Is it crazy to take joy in meeting my baby’s needs?

Is it crazy for wanting to provide them with the best nutrition in the world, for as long as they need it?

Is it crazy to look for reasons to be with them, instead of looking for reasons to be apart?

Is it crazy to want to cherish every moment because I know they grow so fast?

Is it crazy to embrace my mothering instincts, despite the fact that it goes against the mainstream?

Is it crazy to say yes, when society says I should say no?

Is it crazy to respect my older kids needs and desires without judgment?

Is it crazy to listen to what my baby is telling me?

Is it crazy to want to hold my baby as much as possible, especially when he is telling me he needs it?

Is it crazy to sacrifice my time, my body, and sometimes my mental sanity for the benefit of my children?

Is it crazy to give up my wants for my children's needs?

Well if all of this is crazy, then I am certifiable!! 

   

Go ahead and lock me away!   I’ll admit I am crazy about my kids and making sure I am doing what I feel is right by them!   I mean, don’t all of us parents have a little crazy in us?  And that is why I happily accept your crazy label even if it is meant as a negative, and if it is . . . .  Then I’ll take your crazy and raise you a side of glaring indifference!

 

The picture that prompted the post!

The other day I posted a picture of our big bed with all 8 of us on facebook. I often get people wondering how we make it work so I thought some would find it interesting (and I'll do a whole blog post about it at some point).  Those facebook friends who know how our family does things (and/or do things in a similar way) didn’t think a thing of the picture, but I am sure there were plenty of friends unfamiliar with how we do things, who were shocked by it!  Something I hadn’t even thought about when I posted it!!  And even though the comments I got on it were positive, I could only imagine that there were plenty of 'crazy' comments that would never be shared with me!

Yes, Parenting IS Hard!! Why *I* Carpe Diem!!

This blog post from the Huffington Post has been making the rounds on facebook lately.  It is entitled 'Don't Carpe Diem'.  If you haven't read it . . . the author reflects on the comments she receives from older people (and any of us with kids have heard them) telling her how much they loved parenting their little ones, how it was the best time of their lives and that we (parents of younger kids) should enjoy it while it lasts. These comments bug her, make her panicky and stressed out and according to the comments on her post, many agree. So many of my friends have linked to it, everyone seems to love it.  She definitely makes some good points and seeing as how us moms so often relate to each other, the post validates what a lot of us feel day to day.  Parenting IS hard!!  But the post didn't speak to me, in fact I kind of didn't like it (ducks head). And this is no offense to the author or any of my (MANY) friends who loved it and said "Amen" a million times while reading it.  It's cool!  Actually, I agreed with most of what she wrote, I guess I just have a different perspective on the Carpe Diem thing.

So after my 5th stock response to a friend linking to this post (because for some reason I feel this need to give my perspective on, like, everything) I decided to suck it up and just blog about it myself . . . because with 6 kids, ages 10mo to 11yrs, I have SO much time to sit at the computer and blog (and if you look to the right of this page you will see the plethora of blog posts I have found time to write in the past few months . . . though I DO try I swear!!!).

I hear it often, from men and women and I'll admit it . . . I love it when older people tell me to Carpe Diem!!  Of all the comments I get (and I get a lot of comments when I am out with 6 kids) this is my favorite!  They are looking at my crew (and it is a motley crew) with a smile on their face, joy in their eyes, and I can just see them remembering what it was like when their kids were little.

This is the most recent photo of my crew from 2.25.11  it is also one of the few pictures I have of the kids where they are all fully dressed (usually 1-2 of them are butt naked).  Do you see trouble?  HA!  (as if the headless Jack Skellington in Thrace's hand isn't a clue ;0)

The comment usually starts with . . . "your family is beautiful".  At this point I can breathe a sigh of relief knowing I don't have to come up with some witty retort to a rude comment.  And then they tell me how this was their favorite part of parenting, when their kids were little, and how I should enjoy it because it flies by.  I find it really puts things into perspective for me, and not just because my oldest is 11 and I am stumped at how he got so big so fast!

I think . . . are these people blind? They are obviously not seeing that my 2 yr old in the buggy (he is there because he keeps running off hiding in the clothes racks) is taking great joy in throwing all the groceries on the floor (or opening boxes of crackers, pealing bananas etc.) No I don't "let" him do these things, but sometimes, when I look away he does anyway, I mean, he is only 2!!  They don't know that the just turned 5 yr old, who is taunging the 2 yr old, hasn't listened to ONE thing I have told him since we left the house (he is by far my hardest at this point).  They must not see the 7 yr old who for some reason keeps falling on the floor RIGHT in front of peoples buggies (I don't know why he does this, he is just a jokester, and his clothes are filthy because of it too) or the way the older 2 like to stand in the middle of the asile and spin and spin and spin and pay no attention to all the people around them! (in their defense, they only do it when the aisle is empty, but the thing about aisle's is, that eventually, people do walk down them, whether or not you are spinning ;0)  And what is the baby doing?  Well I am wearing him (of course) and he is stuck on my boob because some days, if he isn't nursing in the Kozy he is NOT happy!!(he is actually nursing right this moment, kicking my arm as I am trying to type).

They aren't 'bad' kids (they aren't puppets or robots either) they are just kids . . . normal kids doing 'normal' kid things!  And I think . . . these well meaning people making these positive comments must not have seen how my kids were acting.  And they certainally haven't seen all the faces or negitive looks I have gotten from strangers since leaving the house!!

Or maybe, could it be that they DO see all these things, and they DO remember all these things and they STILL look at me with envy?  Because despite how hard it was for them (and remember, their kids are grown so they have been through it all) in their reflection, they realize how fleeting it is too, and they WISH they would have taken more time to enjoy parenting, ALL aspects of parenting.  These are the same people who often (more often than I would have thought) admit to me that they always wished that they had MORE kids.  "I always wanted more children, but we thought it was best to stop at 2 or 3" etc.  It breaks my heart to think that now, as their childbearing years are long gone, they are confiding in me and envying ME and my motley crew (did I mention how my kids were acting??).  I don't mind their comments, I want to benefit from their experiences and wisdom and the moment they took out of their day to share with me.

I don't get paranoid or annoyed when I hear "Carpe Diem", I get determined!!

You see I am basically a pretty negative person.  I can find anything to complain about, it's easy to find the negative in things.  Just ask my husband. On the days he is gone he will often receive multiple calls from me with stories about either something crazy one of the kids has done or with me near tears because I am about to lose my mind!! (when I get stressed I tend to repeat "I think I am going to lose my mind!!!" over and over)  I want him to KNOW what I am dealing with here while he is out.  Of course he knows, because when he is home he is in the thick of it too, but sometimes, I just like to remind him ya know?  We homeshool, so the kids are home with me 24/7.  I have been nursing for 11 yrs straight (tandem for 9 1/2).  I have nursed kids to sleep for nap and bed EVERYDAY for over 11 yrs straight, so getting them in bed usually takes between 1-2 hrs (this is why we have the horrible TV in the bedroom . . . no judging ;0).  I have no local family and don't leave my babies anyway, so it is rare for dh and I to get out by ourselves (and usually by the time my youngest is ready to be left, I am pregnant again, so we get a few 'dates' alone before I have another baby).  Some nights, we have all 6 kids in our VERY big bed with us! . . . . . This is my life!!  These things may seem overwhelming and like negatives to some people, but I love it and it is what I feel is best for my kids.  However, having kids on you and with you 24/7 means you have very little 'no kid' time and makes it very easy to get overwhelmed (at least that is the excuse I use).

Parenting is hard, especially when you don't get many breaks.  But that is what I signed up for, it is what I wanted and what I was expecting when I decided to have kids (and decided to parent the way I do).  No one has ever told me that it wouldn't be hard, in fact most of the things I hear or have heard from society about having kids are negative . . . they ruin your body (cause prolapse, thinning hair, stretch out your skin and boobs, cause you to gain weight, and well, lets just say makes jumping on a trampoline not the most positive experience) they are very inconvenient to your life and career, they are selfish, they are super expensive and when they get older, they become extremely ungrateful and disrespectful. They multiply, shoot they quadruple your worry,  and you will never, ever sleep soundly again!!

And, yes, some or all of these things may be true.  But to me, it isn't about the negatives, the lack of sleep and frustration, the constant worry, second guessing, and countless hours of research (because I am a research nut). And it isn't JUST about the random peaceful, quiet, calm, sweet baby, tender kisses, book reading moments either (the moments that come infrequently but you would freeze and make them last longer if you could) . . .  It is about the journey!

Bringing these little souls into the world, watching them grow, helping them learn, seeing the people they are becoming . . . yes PEOPLE!!  These beautiful, independent, little people who are the greatest responsibility . . . MY responsibility!  Yes, the thought is overwhelming!  I can get negative quick, I can (and do) complain.  I tell the kids,  "I am only one person, I can't do everything" and I mean it!!  But when I examine my life, and the home and atmosphere I provide for my kids, I don't want it to be negative where I am just struggling to get through the next day, hour or even moment (even if inside, I feel like I am struggling much of the time).  I want the atmosphere to be positive!!  

I believe mothering is a privileged, a most high calling, and I want to act like it is durn it!!  

I want to be a positive example of parenting.  I want the kids (and strangers when we are out for that matter) to see me smile and laugh and handle each obstacle with grace.  A grace that doesn't come naturally to me, but that I long to possess.  I want people to look at me as an example of the best parts of parenting, not all the trials and hardships.  I don't want worthwhile moments to be thrown in here and there. I don't want the moments that I will cherish to be just those easy, peaceful or blissful moments that are too few and far between.  I don't want the positive moments to be fleeting, I want to embrace all of it, to look for the positive in all of it, to learn how to find joy in all of it, and to cherish all of it. 

So for me that sometimes means a change of mindset, a change of perspective.  It means looking for the positive, not after the chaos but the midst of it (which may not always be easy).  It means not just trying to just make it through each moment, but trying to actually enjoy each moment for what it is, another step in my day and my journey through parenting.  That doesn't mean I have to love cleaning poop off the sofa, it doesn't mean I have to love it when the toddler throws a fit and is banging his head on the floor, it doesn't mean I have to love it when there is chocolate sauce on the carpet, the sink or toilet has overflowed for the upteenth time, when kids are (literally) pulling each others hair out, the toddler is dumping cereal on the floor, or (as is usually the case) when all of these things are happening at once.  I may not love these things, but I want to cherish them, to embrace them, to find the positive in all of them and squeeze as much joy out of them as I possibly can!! I strive to live in each moment of life, the good and the bad, and I want to remember it all, because every aspect of parenting, the easy and hard, all shape me and make me the person that I am . . . and I in turn use that to help shape my children!

I am not always successful, the Lord knows (and so do my friends and family) that I need SO much help trying to be more positive.  And that I often fail.  I will never be perfect.  It doesn't mean that I can't or won't sometimes still complain or vent . . . because sometimes we get overwhelmed and just need to get things off our chest.  That is OK, I'll vent for a moment and move on, hopefully with a smile.  And I'll most definitely remind people not to expect too much from me because most days I can't even remember my own name ;0)  But I don't want to look back and regret that I was so caught up in the chaos that I missed some pretty cool stuff!  Sometimes, the chaos can be downright amazing!  And when it isn't, I'll try my hardest not to just 'get through' the next moment, but to Carpe Diem!

So yes, parenting is hard, everyone who has ever been a parent knows there are times when it is hard . . . though I will absolutely take my days here at home with the kids over chopping wood all weekend like dh has been doing lately.  But when I take my eyes off my 18mo old for a second, only to find him on the ROOF (yes, that reads roof . . . like R.O.O.F, the roof of the house). . .  or when my 2 yr old strips naked, like completely butt naked in the aisle at Walmart (yes, they both happened, but if you ask me about them I will deny it ;0), when I have spent an hour cleaning the kitchen (after spending an hour cooking) and then walk into the living room to find it trashed, or when I have heard "mom, I'm hungry" for the 50th time . . . I'll try my hardest to "count it all joy" so that instead of a defeated sigh, I'll smile, or maybe even laugh and say "Thank you God for blessing me with healthy, happy kids with active imaginations and plenty of energy . . . and thank you for grace".

And on the hardest of days, I will remember those older parents who have reminded me to 'carpe diem' and thank them for helping me to keep things in perspective! 

Now to put things into perspective again . . . here are some pictures of what was going on in the house while I was distracted writing this (an example of why I do most of my writing at night, and since I am usually tired, a reason why my blog is just overflowing with posts!! ;0)

I found this on my phone, looks like someone wanted to take some self portraits!!

Yes, that is a knife in the chocolate peanut butter (and yes, he is naked butt)

apparently someone left the art supplies box out and someone else got into it and had some fun (and I spy another little guy on the right without pants on)

Not too bad!! Trust me, it could have been (and often is) MUCH worse!

Overall it was a pretty uneventful couple of hours!

(and the older kids did a great job helping clean up).

The Safety of Babywearing

OK, first my rant, then practical information, LOL!!  All the pictures in this post are me wearing newborns properly.
(me wearing my newborn niece in my favorite Wrapsody wrap by Gypsymama)

There have been a slew of news reports lately about the safety of wearing your baby in slings. You know I find it kind of ironic that we have to even discuss the safety of the ancient art of babywearing in an age where we speed down the highway at 60mph on a daily basis!  I mean babywearing is almost as old as giving birth!  For as long as women have been having babies they have been tying them onto their bodies with whatever they had handy so that they can go about their work while meeting their baby's needs.  You don't often hear mainstream moms and 'professionals' calling strollers, car seats or cribs dangerous (minus of course any recalled our outdated items).  But babywearing (not the norm in our culture, thus people are suspicious of it) is often ignorantly questioned in regards to safety.  How about runaway strollers, babies crawling out of car seats which were placed on high surfaces, falling off of changing tables etc.?  These accidents are chalked up to 'user error' with no screaming to condemned these baby 'gadgets' as inherently dangerous (after all, without a crib where would baby sleep?).  I am not even going to get into things like stairs, the cords from blinds, pots of boiling water on the stove, buckets of water in the garage, pets and many other things that tragically cause the death of babies and children every year.

 My day old niece in a custom Kozy

All of the babywearers I know can relate to being stopped by 'well meaning' people who are freaked out that our babies are either terribly uncomfortable, going to be dropped, or can't breathe.  And if it isn't one of those 3, then we are spoiling them (I need a little eye roll face to insert here).  Somehow it is overlooked that perhaps the safest (not to mention the most natural) place for our babies to spend the majority of their time is right next to our body!  Though I will say, it is almost hard to blame people for the ignorant thinking about babywearing.  It is simply a cultural thing here in the US (other countries and cultures view it differently, just as they do things like co-sleeping, extended nursing, elimination communication etc.).  It is also peoples inability to think naturally, or even outside of their mainstream, society constructed box.  Perhaps some day babywearing will become the norm here and no longer viewed as a 'fad' or something that is inherently dangerous.

Same niece as above, a few wks old in a Didymos (right)

I remember the time I was in a restaurant with newborn Thrace.  I had a man stop me asking if my baby (covered in a wrap) could breathe in there.  I very kindly turned to the side and showed him the opening on the other side, through which he could see Thrace's precious little sleeping face.  My last 2 newborns fussed unless they had their heads tucked in the wrap (and if I tried to unwrap their head, they usually woke up) so though their heads are covered, I would make sure they had a clear airway in front of their face.  My first instinct is to tell these people . . . no, my goal is to smother this child that I prayed for, that I carried for 9mo and spent 24 hrs of natural labor and 2 hrs pushing out and whom I love much more than YOU could ever imagine.  Of course I didn't say this and by the end of the conversation (talked to he and his wife for probably 15 min) I think I had a babywearing convert, LOL!!

I would think that it was nice for all these strangers to be so concerned with the well being of my babies, but in reality a lot of these people are just busy bodies who are nosy and relish in the negative.  Don't believe me, just look at the obsession we have with reality TV!

Wearing Thrace 5 wks in the type of wrap mentioned above this one is a HugABub

Sure, certain aspects of babywearing may look questionable (like throwing a baby on your back in the parking lot, having them covered in fabric, or having a sleeping baby with a dangling head, which inevitably happens when I have a baby on my back in a wrap) but I am of the opinion that while I try my hardest to make babywearing look good for the skeptics (and I do, ask my friends, I am SUPER picky about how I look babywearing) there is only so much I can do.

 (left) 4 wk old Thrace in one of my favorite wrap brands, Gypsymama

But enough of me ranting about our ignorant societies views on the ancient tradition of babywearing.

I am mostly writing in response to the statement released by the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) warning about slings.  It is absolutely horrifying to think of any baby dying or being harmed while being worn.  But unfortunately it has happened, though as was stated, most of these babies were either premature or 'compromised' in some way or another (and I often wonder if any had been vaccinated recently, but that is for another blog).  Regardless, any death or injury is tragic regardless of the circumstances.  This is information that really needs to be shared.  People need to know what slings are good and the proper way to use them.  As a manufacturer my goal is to help parents and babies to bond, to make parenting easier and babies happier and this is the goal of all the other babywearing manufacturers I know (and I know a lot).

 2 wk old Ever in the Bei Bei

Basic one shoulder slings are the target of this specific statement as are babies under 4mo (which is why I have pictures of me wearing newborns throughout this post).  It is actually well written for the most part and has good information.  The downside is that it gives more fuel to the fire for those who already, in their ignorance, viewed babywearing as unsafe.  (hence my rant above) And the news stations have picked up on the story and there have been numerous reports and stories both on TV and online spreading misinformation.  You know how things get started and kind of snowball out of control and leave me yelling at the TV or computer trying to 'right' the 'wrongs' which is such a pointless action since I know they can't hear me (but I just can't help myself).  There are now moms who will abandon any though of babywearing and the many babies who will now end up in strollers or buckets away from the arms of the ones they need most.  I have already read far too many comments from moms whose friends and family are using this recent statement by the CPSC as justification their negative comments and thoughts on babywearing.  For those adamantly against babywearing, a statement like this is sure to be used to discourage it in favor of less intuitive, less attached and nurturing forms of transporting baby around.  And I for one do not believe that strollers or buckets are safer . . . babies in our society need to be drawn closer to us, not pushed further away.

When it comes to slings and safety, the issue is almost always user error. If a sling appears unsafe, or if a baby gets in a compromising position it is not the sling at fault, because they can be used correctly. Most of the slings and carriers on the market are well designed.  There is only 1 type of sling I know of that is a poor design and full of flaws and that is the 'bag style' sling like the one made by Infantino (among others) and can often be found at big box stores.  This link explains the issues and the inherent design flaws http://babyslingsafety.blogspot.com/   These 'bag' slings though are vastly different from your basic ring sling or pouch which are not structured and which have fabric that can be moved around to get baby into a good position.  And it is easy to do, especially if you have good instructions to follow.  What is unfortunate is that the word "sling" is being used as a sweeping term to describe any 1 shoulder carrier, and they are NOT all created equal.  Even consumer reports is not recommending slings because of the issues with the Infantino Sling Rider, which is as I said, a bag style sling which has design flaws and is vastly different from a ring sling or pouch.  Until people become educated about babywearing and see it as a viable option (not a crazy, hippy trend) there will always be misinformation and misunderstandings.

Wearing 2 wk old Arah in a Kangaroo Korner lightly padded ring sling

Safety is an issue, and it is an extremely important one!!  But the bottom line is that slings are safe . . . period!!  Providing good detailed instructions and warnings to reduce the chance of user error is something that is in the forefront of every vendors mind, along with of course, providing a well made and structurally sound product that is absolutely safe.

So the questions are . . . how do you know you have a good sling and how to you use it properly?

Finding a good sling.

It isn't hard to find a good sling.  Like I said above, most slings are safe to use, the only type of sling I know of that I cannot recommend is the "bag" style sling shown in the link above.  But despite the fact that most slings can be used safely, some brands are just easier to use and adjust and made better than others.  A well fitted pouch, ring sling, mei tai, wrap or structured carrier should be able to be used properly without any concern as to the safety of your child.  There are plenty of smaller wahm companies that make excellent quality products.  Occasionally there people selling online (usually places like ebay and the like) who may ignorantly be using inferior materials or stitching, it isn't super common but it does happen.  If you are concerned about the quality of a product then look for names from reputable companies with positive reviews and feedback. Companies that are well talked about and trusted.  Just because you can find a sling at your local WalMart or Target doesn't mean it is superior to one that is only sold online.  There are plenty of wonderful products and businesses that can't meet the low prices or manufacture in the high numbers required to be carried by larger chain stores.  Many of us wahm's who have started businesses did so out of necessity and the slings and carriers we make were designed by trial and error with our own children.  Though many wahm companies have grown quite large (hotslings, Ergo, Maya wrap just to name a few) the basic foundations are the same . . . slings and carriers designed for moms by moms, not by a large corporation.  Most of us started out with 1 goal in mind . . . to help moms wear their babies.  Anything else that may have come from starting a business has just been icing on the cake!
If you are looking for a good sling you can find information and reviews for slings at The Babywearer

Ever reclining in a KK adjustable pouch. (above)  Notice his back is straight, head up

Tummy to tummy in same brand, different color (below)

How to properly wear your baby

A note on Personal Responsibility

Personal responsibility has often been overlooked in many areas of our society today.  But ultimately, that is, or should be in the center of everything we do and all the choices we make. Life is about taking responsibility for our actions, from the moment we wake till our head hits the pillow at night.  We make a million choices in a day, some of them are without any thought (do I put my left or right leg in my pants first?) some require a split second decision that is made instinctively (do I pull out into the road now or wait for that car to pass?) others require forethought and some knowledge or education on our part (how do I position my baby in this sling properly?).  This is not to be overlooked when wearing our babies.  A manufacturer can only provide you with a good sound product, directions and warnings, you have to be able to follow the directions and seek help if you have any issues or questions.   We can take responsibility by making sure we are using these products correctly.

I like to provide info on any and all possible ways to use the Kozy so that you, the customer has full information and options.  Some manufacturers don't give info on things like, how to put a newborn on your back, but I like to trust that people will take the info I provide and use it responsibly. 
This is precious cargo we are carrying.  It doesn't mean we have to be fearful.  It doesn't mean you can't try that back carry you have been wanting to try.  It simply means that you think logically.  If you are inexperienced, uncomfortable or unsure you make sure you have someone spotting you and you try new carries while sitting down.  Babywearing correctly is easy and if it isn't intuitive at first it becomes so once you get used to it.  There is nothing more natural and nothing safer than carrying your baby!

 Days old Ever nice and high and snug in the Kozy

Any good sling company should have detailed instructions on how to use their product correctly as well as warnings of what not to do.  Of course we should be cautious that we are carrying all ages of babies and kids correctly, but the dangers being addressed and cautions below apply more to specifically newborns and young babies.  These are overall 'rules' that apply to all carriers as well.  I'll list a few here, but much more detailed information can be found at the links below

• Make sure your baby is in a good position.  A good position means that the baby is not all balled up with their back curved and their chin on their chest.  It is hard for them to breathe in this position and a newborn may not be able to lift their head to get a better airway.  Readjusting the baby's position or the sling (taking up slack) so that baby's chin is up and back is flat is important and it is fairly easy to do.  They should be held firmly against your body.  Personally, I prefer a tummy to tummy position as opposed to lying down, even with day old newborns.  I find it more comfortable, easier to monitor them and easier to assure proper positioning.  This can be done in most slings and carriers where you can adjust the fabric to pull them in close to your body. 
• Make sure you can see baby.  I like to wear my newborns up high on my chest where they are easy to monitor.  Usually I will choose tummy 2 tummy but even in more of a reclining position, you should be able to have them up high enough (their bum above your belly button) where you can easily monitor their position and breathing.  Lowering them to nurse is fine, just make sure you can monitor them while they are nursing and reposition them up higher after they are finished nursing.  I have nursed newborns plenty of times in ring slings, wraps, and the Kozy with no issues.  If you are doing a back carry with a newborn you should be able to get them high enough on your back where you can see them over your shoulder.
• Make sure the baby has an airway.  Most people say to keep the fabric off of the face, and this is good general advice. But like I said above, my newborns would fuss those first few months if they couldn't tuck their head in my wrap.  However, despite the fabric being over their head I was easily able to make sure they had a clear airway with no fabric lying over the front of their face or obstructing their access to fresh air, which is most important.  You just want to use common sense and make sure they are not re-breathing air which can cause problems.

 Days old Ever in the Kozy.  He had just finished nursing and fell asleep.  I didn't raise him all the way back up this time, but I did make sure he was positioned correctly with chin up.

Another good ring sling carry with 2 wk old Arah in a Zolowear

Here is the Position Paper from the Baby Carrier Industry Alliance.  It is good, accurate information on just how safe babywearing is, and has many professional testimonies to support that!!

Here is an excellent article by M'liss (she wrote the babywearing 101 article for Mothering's babywearing issue) with lots of pictures on the correct, and incorrect way to position baby in various slings and carriers.

Jan from Sleeping Baby has recently put up a page about not only the difference between good slings and the potentially dangerous "bag" slings (complete with pictures of the different brands of bag slings) but she also has info on how to properly wear your ring sling.  You can find it HERE.  Make sure you pan down to the bottom of her page.  She has a PDF she made up of business sized cards you can print and cut out to hand to those ignorant, but well meaning strangers or family members who have seen these news reports and question the safety of your sling.
Excellent job Jan!!

Babywearing International's Safety Page

I wanted to send out my thanks to the many babywearing vendors (and friends) who have been working extremely hard, spending their time and money for the past year (or more) traveling to ASTM meetings working to develop sling safety standards that will apply to all slings and carriers.  They are there representing all of us smaller wahm's and manufacturers (as opposed to the big mega corporations who produce babywearing items) so that our voices, thoughts, opinions and carriers are not misunderstood and we are not overlooked. Their work on this is priceless!! 

2 wk old Thrace in the Didymos

Our family bed . . . how we make it work

I have been asked over the years how we work out our co-sleeping arrangement with all the kids in 1 bed.  Right now we have all 5 in the bed with us (pictures below).  The older 3 (5,7, and 9) would probably be fine sleeping in another room together if we encouraged them to do so.  They often do when they have friends over and they LOVE camping out in the living room, just the 3 of them.  But their room is upstairs and ours is downstairs and I am not comfortable with them so far away at night (keep thinking, what if there was a fire or something? I need to be able to get to them quickly).  They don't seem too keen on sleeping on another floor either, and often, even if they have a friend over, 1 or 2 of them ends up back downstairs with us.  So right now they still sleep with us.  When we move in the near future and their room is across the hall, we will probably encourage them to sleep there if they feel they are ready.  But they are always welcome in the bed with us anytime.

I LOVE co-sleeping!  There is nothing like a big bed full of people all snuggled together . . . so cozy!!  It took me about 6mo to get used to it after Xian was born.  I never slept with anyone as a kid, not until I got married did I share a bed.  Even as a kid, the short time I shared a room with my sister we had bunk beds. In high school I slept sideways on my bed, I loved to spread out.  But it didn't take long to get used sharing my space with others.  Charlie seems to enjoy co-sleeping too (he isn't much of a talker but has never complained and occasionally when he doesn't know I'm looking I'll see him looking at a sleeping baby next to him in the bed with a smile on his face).

Yes, we get kicked in the head often (several of the kids are VERY wiggly) and yes I often have a kid lying on top of me at any point in the night.  Sometimes you wake to find that someone has flipped completely around and their feet are in your face, LOL!  but you get used to it.

When Xian was born we had a co-sleeper.  I never used it.  Well I did use it to hold my water and diapers, but he slept next to me.  Depending on what side I needed to nurse him on, he would either be next to the co-sleeper or between Charlie and I (I would just move him at night as needed).  We had a queen size bed then and it was big enough.

Then when Piper came along Xian took his place between Charlie and I and Piper was on the end.  We bought a king sized bed shortly before she was born, and we put mattress and box springs on the floor.  I always either have the mattress pushed up next to the wall (with a rolled up towel in the crack)  or I have something beside the bed at bed level, so that I don't have to worry about baby falling off.  Another reason why I like to have a barrier there is so that I can put baby closer to the edge of the bed, to make more room in the bed for everyone.  I learned to nurse on both sides without moving baby, if needed (all my toddlers, were/are also nursing so I didn't always need to nurse the baby on both sides at night because the older kid would nurse in the morning upon waking anyway)

When Arah came along we built a frame next to the bed that would hold a crib mattress and make it flush with the bed so that it was level, like an extension of the bed.  Xian moved over there, on the other side of Charlie, Piper moved to the middle between us, and Arah was on the end.  Are you picking up a pattern here?  LOL!!  Everyone rotates when a new baby comes (usually I move them a month or so before the baby comes, so they get used to their new spot).

So when Ever was born we replaced the crib mattress with a twin mattress and pushed up flush with our king sized bed.  Xian moved to the end of the bed, Piper moved to between Charlie and Xian, then Arah was in the middle and Ever on the other side of me.  Piper and Xian were both on the twin bed, though Piper usually ended up on top of Charlie (she really likes to cuddle).

I was not sure if we would all fit when Thrace came along, but we do!  Xian is on the end, Piper is in the middle and Arah is next to Charlie (usually he is like in the crack between the twin mattress and the king, and he also likes to cuddle).  Ever is between me and Charlie and Thrace on the other side of me. I had pictures of everyone asleep in the bed, except me, so I had my mother in law take some pictures of all of us shortly after Thrace was born.

Thrace is on the left, then me, Ever, Charlie, Arah, Piper, Xian

2009

 This works great for us.  We are all used to lying close to each other and the kids think nothing of it.  They are also used to random noises at night (like a baby crying) or Charlie getting up earlier or whatever and typically they sleep right through it (though Xian will often get up earlier if Charlie does, they all don't) or if they wake they promptly go back to sleep no problem.

There is really nothing sweeter than crawling into a bed full of sleeping kids.  Sometimes I walk in and see them sleeping with their arms around each other.  Right now I am sitting in bed typing this with them all asleep around me (Xian just mumbled something . . . he is always talking in his sleep, and Piper rolled over and cuddled up with Arah).

I know it may seem inconvenient.  It has been years since I have been able to cuddle with Charlie. But the way I look at it . . . the kids are only small for a short time.   They only need us like this for a short time.  They grow up and move on so quickly and considering how busy the day can get, it is nice to spend every minute with them, even if it is the middle of the night.  And frankly it doesn't get any more peaceful than this with everyone in 1 room, LOL!!  Plus if they need anything, if they wake from a bad dream, if they are feeling sick (like Piper just a while ago woke to tell me she had a stuffy nose, then she promptly went back to sleep . . . I think she is catching my cold) then we are right there.  I remember a handful of times crawling into bed with my parents at night after a bad dream.  I never felt so safe!  I love the security it provides them while they are little and need us.  I love how it brings us close together.  I will enjoy being able to stretch out in the bed again some day, not being woken multiple times at night, being able to cuddle with an adult again.  But for now I am loving this stage of life with little ones in the bed and I am trying to cherish it as long as it lasts.  Besides, after the kids are grown Charlie and I have the rest of our lives to spread out in this big bed.

OK to recap . . . how we make it work . . .

• We have a King size bed, the mattress sits on the boxsprings on the floor.
• We have a twin size mattress built up to sit flush with our king size mattress, for 1 big bed
• The baby always sleeps next to me on the end of the bed
• I always have the bed next to the wall (with a rolled up towel in the crack) or have some type of barrier next to them so that they can lie next to the end of the bed, so we don't waste any space
• The next to youngest sleeps between Charlie and I
• The 3rd youngest sleeps on the other side of Charlie
• We progress up from there so that the oldest is on the other end of the bed
• Considering they are all around 2 yrs apart, each kid gets approx 4 yrs sleeping next to me (from newborn to age 4) and 4 yrs next to Charlie (from age 2-6) and 2 yrs sleeping between the 2 of us . . . wouldn't you have loved that as a kid!!

Circumcision . . . educate yourself!!

I have a lot of opinions on a lot of things (those of you who know me are nodding your heads right now, LOL).  But as passionate as I am about birth, parenting, politics, natural stuff etc. I probably feel strongest about circumcision!!

I could go on and on with my various thoughts and opinions, as they are many (I have 4 whole, beautiful intact boys) and believe me, eventually I will, but for now I wanted to link to this video.

This was put out by www.nocirc.org
The video is pretty extensive, it lasts 20 minutes and covers things like the anatomy and function of the foreskin, myths and facts about circumcision and testimonies from Dr's, etc.  It is so important to educate yourself on these things!
Yes, it is biased against circ (after all, no medical society in the world recommends routine infant circumcision) but it is still good accurate information from professionals.

Though I don't see this as a parents decision (I believe it should be left up to our sons) it is one we are expected to make.

PLEASE BE INFORMED!!

Note . . . about 1/2 way through this video they show a circ being performed.  I have never been able to get through viewing one on video (I have to mute it, and usually I end up throwing my hands over my face and looking away with tears in my eyes, I can't handle it).  I just wanted to mention that this is just one way circs are performed.  Some are more traumatic than others and some last minutes while others can be fairly quick (I am thinking of a few bris I have seen on TV that were fairly quick).  Also babies all react differently.  Though I have read testimonies from MANY dr's, nurses, etc. who talk about how the babies scream and even at times passout, I have also heard (far fewer) testimonies from people who have witnessed circs who say that pain relief was used and baby didn't fuss much and that it was "no big deal" (tell that to a grown man who has it done!!!).  And while it may be true that occasionally a baby will only fuss a little, you never know what your baby will feel or how they will react.  And remember that the skin is being cut opened, and amputated, and this is surgery, and ANY surgery will be painful, if not horrendously so at the time it is done it will be later.  And in my opinion (because as I said, I have lots of them ;0)  the fact that it indeed causes newborns unnecessary pain is the least of the many reasons why it shouldn't be done.  

For more information
National Organization of Circumcision Information Resource Center (NOCIRC)
Doctors Opposing Circumcision
The Intactivism Pages
Circumcision Information and Resource Pages
Circumcision Resource Center
What the Bible Says about Circumcision (christian resource)

A magic 'formula' for easier parenting??

Here is the disclaimer for this post. While of course I believe that breastfeeding is by far and away 1 million times superior to formula, I also know that there are moms who end up having to supplement with formula for one reason or another, maybe they have a medical condition, or an adopted child (though I recommend finding donated breastmilk or using raw milk formula if possible, I could write more about that later). That said, I really think it is the exception, it is really rare for a mom not to be physically able to nurse her baby, especially if she is getting the right information and support (unfortunately not everyone is).

OK that said. I heard about a disturbing new formula that is being put out by Enfamil. Have y'all heard of this thing? It is called "Restful" and it is for nighttime feeding. And here is what it does . . . according to their site, it is "specially designed to help babies feel full longer and sleep better" and "it thickens gently in baby's tummy and digests slowly".

Does anyone else find this extremely disturbing and just plain wrong? It sounds like a diet pill . . . "designed to make you feel full longer so you eat less". I'm sure you have heard those diet ads. That is exactly what this is doing. It is thickening in baby's tummy so that they feel full longer so that they don't wake up as often needing to eat and disturbing your precious sleep. Wow! What some companies won't do to make money? This is not just completely unnatural but I would go so far as to argue that this is potentially dangerous. Babies wake at night for a reason, not just because they are hungry but because they need us. I think it is part of an instinctual survival type thing, they don't want to be alone. But I googled this and found that some even think that this could lead to an increase of SIDS. I know it seems far-reaching, but if you think about it, SIDS seems to occur more often when babies are in a deep sleep, and this product would seem to encourage that by expanding in the tummy to make them feel full, thus helping to prevent them from feeling hungry which would naturally cause them to wake.

I can see some moms finding this product very appealing. I mean I am sure getting up multiple times at night is very tiring. But after 5 kids I can tell you that I have only gotten up in the middle of the night with a baby a handful of times . . . seriously! I breastfeed and co-sleep. So when baby stirs to nurse (they don't even cry) I can latch them on and go back to sleep. Sure it took me a while to get used to it when I had my first, but it is so natural and eventually became like second nature. I am with them constantly, I hear them breathing, I know if something is wrong, I am right there!! Shoot I have ALL the kids still in the bed, and I would argue that I still get way more sleep than the mom who doesn't co-sleep! It is just downright easy!


OK here starts my little rant . . . . about this "Restful" formula . . . we are really a screwed up society if we buy into this!! It kind of goes along with the age old question that every new mom is asked by everyone once their baby is born . . . "is he sleeping through the night yet?" WHY is sleeping through the night so important? WHY is this some type of milestone that most moms feel they have to reach? Sometimes I think people just ask this out of habit, because they want to ask us something. I used to get asked this question all the time and I was baffled . . . ummm, before having kids *I* didn't always sleep through the night, LOL!! I know, I know, we do miss out on sleep when baby wakes up at night, and it is an adjustment, but that is part of being a parent!! But it is like the moment a baby is born, moms are looking for ways to get their lives back to the way they were before baby. Sorry folks, that isn't going to happen!

People talk about how important sleep is, how important it is to 'train' baby to sleep. Why? Why must we train them to sleep . . . is something wrong with them? I mean they know when they are hungry, and we feed them . . . they know when they want to be held, and we hold them . . . they fuss when they are tired, and we rock, nurse, and sometimes (especially if they have reflux or gas etc) we will pace the floor to help them calm down to sleep. And they wake up again because they are hungry or uncomfortable, or they want to be near us and they are lonely etc. This is the nature of babies. Beautiful little people who need loads of attention and love all the time. We are not parents just during the day. Parenting is a 24 hr a day job, and that includes NIGHTS! Are we really so desperate that we need a magic formula to help our babies sleep longer?

Yes it is hard! Parenting in general is hard. It can be tiring and frustrating and sometimes we would love to just be able to use the bathroom in peace! And believe me, I have been known to at times exclaim "Calgon, take me away!!" (most of y'all are hopefully old enough to remember that, LOL). But when you have a baby, they come first because they are so helpless and so needy and they cannot wait or reason or understand. During my writing this Thrace (who is 3mo old and lying next to me) has woken up 4x and though I may be in the middle of a thought or sentence and I do NOT want to stop writing, I stop and nurse him (or give him my pinky to suck when he just nursed a ton and spit up 10 min before, LOL). Because that is just what I do, that is my job. And if you look at things from a different perspective, as overwhelming as it can be, you know that as mothers and fathers, we are the most important part of their lives. What a privilege that is!

Some of my kids have been better sleepers than others but none of them sleep as well alone as they do with me (or on me). Why? because they are BABIES, they are completely helpless, their whole being screams to be close to us, to be held, to be protected by us. We are their only source of food, we provide comfort. They know our voice, our smell they are bonded to US. For young babies, they spent the majority of their lives inside our bodies. Why on earth would they not want to be with us every second of their short lives on the outside? So what do we moms do? Lets see . . . we spend most of our time trying to schedule their feedings, trying to get them used to not being held too much and ignoring their calls for us (don't want to spoil them right?) and trying to get them to to sleep through the night so we can sleep undisturbed and shoot, if a formula comes along that will help with that, then woohoo!! Lets buy it!!

As a mom who carries her babies everywhere, nurses them till they are ready to wean, sleeps with them, nurses them throughout the night, and answers their calls promptly, I can attest to the fact that they DO learn to sleep through the night on their own eventually, . . . when they are mentally and physically ready to do so. I help them sleep and do things to encourage sleep (sleeping with them, making them warm and comfortable, wearing them often, keeping them close). But I don't have to 'train' them to sleep, they always end up doing it on their own in their own time when they have matured a little (and every one is different in this way).

I encourage you to respect these little people the way that they are. Respect their little bodies, how God designed them. Respect the fact that they need us so much and those ingrained needs are a part of every fiber of their being.
What an amazing thing to have a person who needs us and loves us so desperately. And they don't just need and love us because we give them food, but because we are their parents. These little people who can spot you across the room, who know your voice when you think you are out of earshot, who look to you for comfort when a stranger is near and who can't stand for you to even leave the room. They do grow, they mature and change, this is but a brief moment in life. We don't need a formula to help make parenting easier . . . we need to simply cherish every moment!!